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It's been way too long. Here's the opening of a novel I'm hoping to write. Please tear it to shreds. - NovelNovelBits [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Brilliant Brevity

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It's been way too long. Here's the opening of a novel I'm hoping to write. Please tear it to shreds. [Oct. 16th, 2006|10:26 pm]
Brilliant Brevity
novelnovelbits
[amplimax]
[This novel feels |contentcontent]
[Currently inspired by |Chrono Cross - Another Inspiration]

Dawn broke over the docks as workers swept scales and other silvery fish-pieces into the water. The giant fishhooks, now freshly cleaned, hung in tight rows along the walls of the brown worksheds and shone bright and metallic in the pink morning. The soapy water of a mop splashed the wooden planks and slipped back and forth along the shipyard under a steady arm, and everywhere the sounds of seagulls, and of people calling to each other, hard at work, mingled in the air.

A foreigner in monks' clothing
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: oursin
2006-10-17 07:30 am (UTC)
The use of 'gored' is a bit jarring - it suggests to me something that has been gored as by a bull, not something covered with gore.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: amplimax
2006-10-17 05:56 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I wasn't sure about that word. Any suggestions for what to replace it?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: oursin
2006-10-17 06:48 pm (UTC)
Something like 'freshly cleaned of their patina of gore'?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bfluker
2006-10-17 06:52 pm (UTC)
mabye a descriptive color? like darkened, blackened, reddened, or stained...
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